He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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