Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
