Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
