is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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