According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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