You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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