Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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