omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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