Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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