i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
