Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
