no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
A bitchslap is in order.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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