Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
