They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
