:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
