I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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