Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
