I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
