If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
