And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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