So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My Sexting was not on an AP level
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
