dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I love having hate sex.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
