He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
