So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
