He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
