The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
