ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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