my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
