I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
