The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
