The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I don't think brook has ever known best
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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