And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
