We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
