I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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