you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
