I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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