doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
