Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize