so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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