Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
