Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
