Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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