I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
