yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
