My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Nobody cheats on THIS.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
