all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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