Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
