Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
