so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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