Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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