I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I checked into jail on foursquare
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
