i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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