At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
