covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
