Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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