9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
