Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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