Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
