porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
