Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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