Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
