If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize