well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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