I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
