She is in my trunk
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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