i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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