I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
