babies were throwing up all over the place
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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