At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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