I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
