Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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