we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
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Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
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Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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