Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
