You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
