There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
