The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
